What I Will Tell You If You Force Your Mommy Crap On Me

I recently announced my engagement which brought forth messages from a lot of old acquaintances. Including one from a friend I hadn’t spoken to in 5 years. This friend was living in the middle east with her husband and new born child.

After congratulating me on my engagement, she hinted that once kitty and I were married, the kids would start rolling in.

I think my heart skipped a beat. In fear. I don’t want kids. Nor does kitty. I think it took a while before my brain figured out that just because she wished it, I wouldn’t start popping out mini humans. Unless she was into voodoo….

  

I told her that we weren’t planning on having kids at all. That offended my well meaning friend. A lot.

She launched into a speech about how having a kid was a privilege and that if I don’t have one soon I won’t be able to have one later (she made it sound like a fact rather than the opinion it was). What’s more she said not having one would bring me pain.

Really? How are you so sure? How could you possibly know what I want from my life.

I knew we couldn’t have a logical conversation when she said “you and your husband will get bored of looking at each other’s faces one day. What then?” implying that a kid would be necessary to save my marriage or somehow make kitty’s face more interesting to look at.

I lost my shit. Internally.

  
Externally I kept my end of the conversation respectful and logical. I let her know that I would never bring an unwanted child into the world on the off chance that I might fall in love with him / her.

I haven’t heard from her since.

It’s a running joke amongst my friends who know her. They frequently ask if I will invite her to the wedding.

Why parenthood is a conscious decision

In my world, having a kid because..
1. If I don’t do it soon it might be too late
2. I need a baby to keep my marriage interesting
3. I’ll inevitably regret the decision not to have one

…is not a good reasons to jump on the parenting bandwagon. Infact it’s a little unfair to both the kid and myself. Also if I need a kid to save my marriage, maybe it’s better we split up.

I know people who have kids and think that it was the best decision they ever made. Some of these parents are the coolest people I know.

  
I also totally get their obsession with their kids. I mean if you saw me talk about my bird (which to the horror of my pet free friends happens a lot) you would think I was nuts. Which I am a little given that I let kiwi poop on me all the time and yet I shower her with kisses and cuddles as soon as I get home. No matter how tired I am. She is my baby. I’m sure it would be very different if she was my own flesh and blood. Another dimension of feelings all together. So I get it.

  
But I also know parents that wish they hadn’t taken the leap. An acquaintance once admitted to me that if she knew what having a kid would be like, she wouldn’t have done it. I don’t know what its like to live with that realization but I don’t want to find out.

I think parenthood should be a conscious decision and not one you make “just in case you can’t do it later”. Because what this well meaning friend forgot to mention was that while I may not be able to have kids later, once I have them I can’t make them disappear either. So it’s not a decision you take on a whim.

Figure out what you want from life and prepare for the possibility that kids might not be a part of your story. And that’s perfectly ok. Overpopulation is a reality and you won’t be doing humanity a disservice if you choose not to have your own set of mini humans. But if you do, make sure you are having them for the right reasons.

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7 thoughts on “What I Will Tell You If You Force Your Mommy Crap On Me

  1. Even though I’m 15 and have NO INTENTION of having kids, this helped me. It showed me that it’s okay to not want kids, because I get criticised for saying I really couldn’t see myself as a mother.

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    1. I’m glad! I believe in “you do you and I’ll do me ” and not everyone shares that sentiment. Which is fine. But don’t let what others change what you know is true for you. Specially when they are making little logical sense. I’m glad it helped you though!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s exactly right! It’s tricky though, when people say I don’t know a thing and that I just need to “wait a little and you’ll love the idea!” MAYBE they’re right, but it just hurts when people think I have no capability of making my own decisions when it comes to that.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. They may be right. We might be missing something. And we might change our minds at some point and have kids. But that’s our decision to make. Also don’t take offence to someone thinking you can’t make your own decisions (I take offence all the time but I’m trying to work on it too). They are just scared that they have made the wrong decision and think that if they can convince you to make the same decision they made it would validate their actions. Hope I’m making sense and not confusing you lol

        Liked by 1 person

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